No, I don't, and I really wish I did. The truth is it started happening for me before I was even old enough to remember. My parents would tell me stories about how I would lie and sneak food ever since I was a baby. My mom said I would lie to the babysitter and say I hadn't eaten breakfast, in order to eat again. It wasn't until the babysitter asked my mom to start feeding me in advance that she found out, and she was embarrassed that anybody thought she wasn't feeding her kid. And then my dad said I ate all of the cheese out of the fridge and blamed it on mice. I don't remember doing any of this, so how can I possibly know how it all went wrong for me since I was so young?
Then when I was older, it got worse. I would take a bag lunch to school and eat it, and then eat a cafeteria lunch on credit. I was able to pull it off for a month before my parents got the bill in the mail. Then we had a candy sale for band and I ate all the candy and I lied to my dad that I needed cash for band uniforms and I used the cash to pay for the candy I ate. I would trade my diet coke from my lunch for a roast beef sandwich from my friend who wasn't supposed to have any soda, and eat that in addition to my own lunch. I ate food I found on the ground, and I would actively hunt on the ground for food to eat.
I feel like these are some of the behaviors, lying and stealing, that a junkie would have to get their fix, and I have no idea how it started. I have never been poor or hungry, I haven't been abused, and I've always been well-loved and well-fed. I wish there was a root cause because then maybe I could address that and it would stop. This compulsion just seems to come straight out of nowhere. It's really frustrating.
It is odd, I have never been addicted in the same way as I have been to food. Of course, I did grow up poor and occasionally without food.
ReplyDeleteNot even cigarettes were this bad and I smoked for 17 years two packs a day.
As you well know. :)
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